Finding the Strength to Move on...

We had a beautiful Celebration of Mom's life on Saturday. It was truly amazing to see the church OVERFLOWING with people who knew and loved Mom. As each day has come and gone it still seems rather unreal. You never expect to lose a parent at a young age...at least I never thought I would be here now, before I am 30.

I have my good days and my bad. I think being there with Mom and caring for her during her last couple of days has given me a lot of reassurance and strength. Before she passed she embraced me, pulled me to her chest and held tightly...she knew I did not want her to be alone when the time came, she knew I was strong enough to handle things, and she told me that with our final embrace. I have a sense of ease/happiness when I think she is no longer suffering and not enduring treatments but I still have a HUGE hole in my heart. We spoke daily usually multiple times a day. When I felt lonely I called, when I felt frustrated I called, when I just felt I called....those conversations will be the hardest thing to let go of.

I feel sadness for my daughters as Ella will have a limited memory of Nana and Em, well she won't have a memory of her, just photos. Such a loving and caring person whom they will not get to fully know and love. Finding strength and understanding will help me move on. Treasuring the memories I have will be my crutch as the healing begins. The many birthdays, high school dances, cheerleading events, prom, graduation, college, wedding day, birth of Ella, birth of Emeri...so many memories to cherish.

The last photo of Mom (NANA) with Ella & Emeri (taken Dec 10, 2009)


Miss and Love you Mom!!!